Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Love

I Wondering if you ever there,
I imagine what will I feel..if you here,
but where?? where can I find you?? where are you really?? it has been long long time since my first baby's cry and learn my lung to breathe, I believe you will be there, I believe you exist and real, I believe in every dream and angel..there's nothing to fear, I believe in you will never giving me up but I wonder " Love, where are you now? I am so tired,too much wound my legs can't walk no more and still I wonder " Love, where are you now??
I am so tired wandering alone lamely here and there, exhausted wondering " why people have to being so cruel?? Love, where are you?

I wonder" Love, where you hide??
"Love, I don't want to giving you up but I am so tired chasing and track on your trace still I wonder blury " where are you?? I couldn't move no more, I have no dream no more, I have no lively no more... all I want to do only close my eyes and sleep till my heart stop beat and die, Love, I groan silently and hopelessly stare at my vein dripping out every blood drop by drop from my fresh cuts on my left wrist, it's such a horrified view and painful but it won't even stop my brain memories every hurts..I wonder" Love, where are you??

4 comments:

x0r said...

i'm angry that you tried to kill yourself. it's one thing to be sad and /feel/ like doing it or wish you were dead till you fall asleep. BUT TO ACTUALLY DO IT! ESPECIALLY YOU!... it is a disappointment. don't you realize how badly it would've hurt even a person on the exact opposite side of the planet that barely even breathes the same air as you? and your son? you kill yourself, he will think of killing himself and suicide in general for the rest of his life. my mom tried to kill herself by slitting her wrists when she was young, and just hearing that and knowing what she had done was like an infection to my own mind. but if my mother had killed herself, i wouldn't have existed, and i've been told by more than a few people that they are glad i'm alive.
EVEN I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF; IT SHOULD'VE WORKED... WE'VE SPOKE OF THIS. AND YOU SCOLDED ME FOR TRYING TO KILL MYSELF. 'DON'T DOING STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS AGAIN, SHANNON!!!' YOU SAID.
8(

@bee said...

Shannon, I just alone living on my own there's no one will sad or hurt when I gone because I am getting old and useless...
knowing that I've commit suicide was really hurt, knowing that I am give up and don't want to live more longer. I was really stupid but life was totally cruel people fake their shit.. I already learnt the lesson since I was a kid, all the human are same.. there's nothing called real love/ real care..they faked it!! knowing this is was the real hurt and totally disappointed, I am tired :( suffering on mood swing and people think that I just being drama and self pity but who's fault anyway? who want to care?? if I had tried my best to understand why I have to live this kind of life..

x0r said...

um... i would miss you. i cried when i read your message and there's nothing i can do for you aside from talk to you (and i try to do that as much as i can). i don't fake, i care, but i'm so far away. i can't know exactly how you feel but i DO know that you are not becoming old and useless. you have made my life better by knowing you. i talk to everyone i know about how awesome you are and how much you have helped me with. sad and lonely times, you were there for me. you make me happy. i know the feeling of suicide, and so i have to remind myself constantly about the importance of living. no one knows what tomorrow will have for us. maybe true love, maybe obliteration... but if there is no tomorrow, sure there is no chance for more failure or pain or loneliness, BUT THERE IS NO CHANCE FOR ANYTHING. if you think you are getting old and useless, your decaying corpse won't be any better.
i'm sorry things are so sad for you right now and i know it is hard. but give life a chance. it /is/ your choice whether to live or die; you /can/ choose. and sometimes that seems to be the ONLY control we have in our pathetic failing lives... anyone can do anything they want. but suicide is your last act, your LAST CHOICE. no more sashimi (which i finally had), no more sex, no more funny ghost drawings, NO MORE ANYTHING. i was mad at you, but i was sad first, and now i am not mad. just live. i can think of many people that would miss you and DO CURRENTLY CARE ABOUT YOU! i am alone, i am sad a lot, but i know it can't be this way forever. my redemption came from just want to live my whole life out and then see what happens. you may only be 1/3 of the way thru your life... that's a lot more years left for you, for things to change and get better and easier and...
i'm glad i didn't die for so many reasons. i'm finding more everyday.

@bee said...

yeah.. if I am die there's no more birthday for me.. I love You Shannon for everything...