cruelies

on my yesterday ! after the very long moping day!! I had my dinner with susan, had disscus about my issue as soon as i felt better,Reached home again and I felt sick again,I don't want to think so I get into busy on the latest issued local magazine. I guess it was over then I want to have a good sleep there 2 sleeping pills are gone in to my stomach, there's a shower time, then Im felt sick again, I wanted to shampoo my hair again and I can't control my tears drop down with the water, ....and Im end up to beg on the bathroom floor, to let me go!!
I phone my mum and ask her why the things so cruel? why I have to suffering a lot while the others doesn't have to understand, this is the first in mylife time to tell my mum what I felt, the fear and how tired I am..my mum ask me to go home...means go back to indonesia so she can taking care of me as she realise I was too green when left home on my 15...recalls I fear about nothing, cheerfuls, and confindence enough to reliance on my ownself.....and now, Im gets lost, fear about on everythings..deep down in my heart there's a weakness!!
mum, are you going to amends my broken soul? do you think still have chance? I even wanted to take all the drugs to my die..i fallen into sleep after the second 2 pills again, believe me I still can't sleep well..anyhow I have to get my job done as well and my sis also get around for breakfast, she's good listener, i told her my thought..I may leaving HK soon for settle somewhere in indonesia....