cruel

so yesterday..I was a happy bee, laugh a lot!! evening at home, shower times again, just turn out the water as the feeling sick on myself, dishonesty, false personalities, pretender!! pretending happy in fact Im not happy, false the cheerful image, infact im broke inside!! been busy at work in fact I hates to get home, it wasn't my home..there nothing belong to me that I can keep for longer..and I have to let the things go whenever the time get ready to go and i telling my self everything fine and things will be ok as soon as..Im cheat on myheart!
I didn't get over the feeling been rejected, unwanted and it really destroyed my confindence, wipe off my self reliance, break off my protection, broke the walls.......soak myself under the shower, crying for many things for hours, I wanted my mum, I wanted to tell her been bully , but I just alone, no creature left to company! went in to bed, I don't even care to wipe my hair, mybody dry..honesty who care?. ..want to cut my blood out to know does it feel....same?
I sent my thought as a text to the..Im really sorry to my flat mate to the disturb I did in the midnight while nighmare come around in mysleep......perhaps Im ok,,