Monday, October 09, 2006


10. She makes your decisions
Controlling women have the irksome belief that they know what's better for everyone else, and there's no one better to exercise this delusion on than their boyfriends. Such a woman selects the clothes you wear, what movies you'll watch, and what toppings you'll have on your pizza.

Some go a little further, making you adapt to whatever fad diet she heard about on Oprah . She'll suggest, by which I mean decree, what you should or shouldn't eat, like fat, alcohol, or anything that has flavor.

9. She chooses your friends
Girlfriends see themselves in an epic battle with a man's friends. Your mates are viewed as competitors for your time and as powerful influences on your behavior. Controlling women see it as their duty to limit your exposure to such threats to her queendom.

As a result, she'll advise you not to see certain buddies. She'll call them "bad influences," going as far as making up dirt about them. And if your number of female friends dwindled to zero since you started dating, that should have been the first clue.

8. She mingles too much with your family
It's perfectly healthy for your girlfriend to get along with your family. What's troublesome is if she mingles with them more than you do, even making arrangements to see them without you. If all she does when you get there is talk to your circle, something stinks. She may be doing a little espionage within the people closest to you -- a good source of control.

7. She schedules your time
She wants you to drop your hobbies and participate in her activities like dancing, yoga or cooking class. She decides when you'll make love. She tells you when you can go out, and when you can invite the guys over for a football game. She makes you drive her everywhere and accompany her on shopping sprees. She always makes you wait, and never waits for you.

She's outta here.

6. She manages the house
Your pad has more scented candles and feng-shui wind chimes than you care to own. Your Bob Marley posters were replaced by pastoral scenes with unicorns, and there's that unsettling smell of lavender when you walk in.

Your woman has taken full control of how you furnish, decorate, and equip your home. She even unearthed and disposed of your nudie mag collection. And even when she spends most of her time at your place, she still decides what house chores you should do, which happens to be most of them.

5. She always has to be right
That women are never wrong, that it's always the man's fault, is so overdone it's cliché. Many men have given up on proving women wrong and let them have their little victories. But a relationship autocrat has an arsenal of argument artillery that would make the Pentagon jitter. Such women have long learned that they can control men by shaming them for their thoughts and actions.

If every time you voice an opinion, she cries, "How could you say something like that?" or "That's so insensitive!" and never tries to understand your views, she could very likely be using the shame tactic on you. Others cry strategically to get men to agree with them, knowing that most men surrender immediately at the sight of feminine tears.

4. She makes your budget
It starts slowly. First she insists that you foot the bill every time, even if she makes more money than you. Then she tells you you're spending too much money in a certain department, like drinks and eats with your pals, and suggests you save.

Then she convinces you that 50% of your disposable income should be "invested" on her wardrobe. If you don't stop it soon, she'll be in complete control of your credit card.

3. She plans your career
You're finally getting recognized at the office and started putting in more hours to get noticed even more. At the same time, your girlfriend starts the nagging. "You're not spending enough time with me," she says. Worse, she encourages you to quit your job, or not work as much. If a woman is this insensitive about your career goals this soon, she won't respect them in the future either. Lose her.

2. She calls you all the time
Does your lady ring you up 15 times per day, and it's not just for idle chit-chat? Does she ask you what you're doing, who you're with and where you're going next with each call? Houston, we have a tyrant.

Some women even buy their boyfriends a pager or cellular phone so they can check on them any time -- in essence, putting them on an electronic leash. And with these new camera phones that are coming out, women might start demanding visual evidence of a man's whereabouts.

1. She holds the remote control
A man's power over what to watch on the boob tube may be his last domain of command in this world. It's all he has left -- this microcosmic god-like ability to direct the course of his cathode rays. You take the power to flip away from a man and you make him precisely half a man. And if the channel she stays on is Lifetime, no ifs, ands or buts, he may as well cease to exist.



mb said...

lol, if you're nice i'll let you hold the remote.

Knowing you, you'll just put it on the porn channel anyways ;)

@bee said...

Holy COW!!! :0 Boy, you seemed know my hobbies quite well huh!!
Besides fancied watching PORN I also fond WILDLIFE.. :D