" Oooh nasib!!! knapa toh yooo, mbo ya kawin ama yang lain laaa!! "

Remember my master?? AKA Mr.Pretty dick!

He is enganged liaow!!! I read the announcement, its said: " they're getting married ..!!!

Damned.. when will people understanding of there's no divorce if no marriage. getting married is easy but getting divorce is tricky!!! do have to admit that the GF has done a good job, she must got something that made him to commit. Marriage is awesome, I should feel happy for them, shouldn't I??

I should just tell him" congratulation, you guys very cute " !! Doesn't this sound a bit phony??" . Heck, I can't be that fucking phony. I could be slutty but I am not a phony.

To be honest, I feel jealous, envy. all the evil thoughts. I feel like I could just go into my shoes cabinet, get the shotgun out!! aims that fucking shit right onto someone's belly, slighty pull the trigger " BANG!! FUCK YOUR MOTHER!! ! !

Now I could not stop thinking of me gotta blow up the fucking nuts scene!! I swear to the fukin god, if I could have a real shotgun then I would really make this imaginary in fucking real.

not so pretty words huh??! I know. kind of sadism, fuckin sick-psycho but who cares?? who fucking cares ??!! who care when I feel hopeless, useless, paidless, playless, I eatless, sleepless and masturbateless.. restless.. until here I end up a little bit ruthless >,<

I just a human, wasn't it a natural to be angry, jealous, happy, horny, sleepy, ..etc. ect...etc..etc..it's natural.

Fuck yeaah I am just a human, a woman, not the super-fuking-strong-woman!! am I not allowed to feel like this huh? I've got a electric shock, my brain blank. the whole me drowning, I don't know what to do. somehow it feel that I could just probably already die.

When sometime I can't even cry. What's wrong with my emotions system? what wrong with my tears gland.. give me that fucking TEARS NOW!!!

I just wanted to express my lost, it feel like something belong to me is dead!! Like my toes numb from wearing high-heels... blister everywhere!!

Shouldn't I cry my shit out for that matter?

God, I just want to have a cry, good cry, bad cry, lame cry..silly cry, stupid cry whatever I don't mind!! I could cry my balls out, I mean eye-balls!! Why is so hard??

Why does this stupid eyes has running out of tears?? perhaps I could understanding Biology more.... Whatever Biology is never my subject anyways!!

I am not so sure what this is meant to be. but I think I've got to do something before too late. before I commit to a real crime and kills all my flat-mates. I wanted to puke every time I feel the mood swing up and down, even seeing a couple holding hands make me wanted to punch the horse in the face!!

Friends suggest, I'll have to set the evil free. so I went to the lousy pub, drank the chilled beers vent the shits out to a bunch of my poor friends. I moans, I complains, I curse, I told them the old-golden-shag-days, I described what Mr.pretty dick looked like.

Me: "Diu.. you know what?? he have a cock that looked almost perfectly beautiful!!!

Girls: *gulp*

Me: "And everything that I envy is that she is going to fuck that pretty dick for herself only for the rest of her life.. a aa ghhhhhhh SELFISH bitch!!! ahhgah hha h ah hgahhagh ahah h h h !! ! ! aha haaag hagag,, ugghhh SHIEET!!! "

Girls: " Think about the final moment to get Mr.pretty dick out of your system ba!!"

Me: " what ???!!! "

I mumbling how shitty I feel about myself on these rough days. I excuse myself for being the drama queen for days. I was so stressed that I could just do drugs, I probably have the coke done if I wasn't concern about the chance that my life once I eventually become a drugs addict. How scary!! Remembered how trouble my days was for lettting myself addicted to Mr.pretty dick's cock. even thought it was lots of amazing fuck but addictive of other's genital is not a great experiences. You know what I mean? " IT'S NOT YOUR PUSSY!! IT'S MINE so no bitchy when I don't like you fuck it! get off my pussy, I like when I like it!!

and ooh IT'S YOUR COCK!! IT's NOT MINE.. stop preaching me how I should blow it.. if you don't like the way I suck and I spit, then you could now taking care of it, suck yourself and don't fucking spit!!! >,<